Jimmy got to his parents house
quickly. There was an ambulance and two
police cars in front. He also saw a
black van that didn’t have any windows.
Something was wrong. His mom was sitting on the front stoop staring at
the ground. She had a kleenex in her
hand she had shredded to pieces and watched the remnants fall on the cement of
the porch.
“Mom?” He put a hand on her shoulder. “Where’s Dad?”
Anita closed her eyes and looked
over at the cars. “In the van.”
“Does he want to see me?”
Anita shook her head. “Even if he did, he can’t now, Jimmy. He’s dead.”
Jimmy turned pale in an
instant. He dropped to his knees and
stayed in front of his mom. “Heart
attack?”
“He found his gun, Jimmy. He found his gun and he left a note and then
he-” She closed her eyes again. “He shot himself point blank.”
“Why? Why would he do something like that? I thought he was getting better.”
“You, Jimmy. Okay.
He tried to stop you and failed.
You did exactly what he told you he wanted, but he didn’t really want
that. He wanted you to do something for
yourself not for him. He lied to you,
Jimmy. The army won’t do anything for
you except lower your self-esteem and give you nightmares about the front
line. Why on earth did you decide to
join?”
“Mom, did you see the planes
crash into the towers. Do you want to
jump to your death from a building.”
“If I could be with your
father, I would.” Anita ran her fingers through her hair. “Jimmy, he’s gone. He didn’t even say goodbye.”
“Coward,” Jimmy mumbled.
“Don’t you speak ill of the dead,
young man. He’ll always be your
father. Don’t you forget that.”
“I’d rather forget that. He didn’t even think about where that would
leave you or me. He’s selfish,
inconsiderate, and he never liked me. I
never did anything right by him. Ever.”
“Jimmy, that’s not true. You married the girl you got pregnant.”
Jimmy stood up from the porch and
threw his hands in the air. “Mom, how
many times do I have to tell you? Lyddie
and I did things in order! And don’t
make this about her anyway. This is
about my dad, not my wife.”
Anita reached over on a table and
grabbed an envelope. “Here. He left this for you.” She put the white envelope with his name
scrawled across the front of it in his hands.
“What is it?”
“I’m guessing a letter. It isn’t mine.”
Jimmy handed it back to his
mom. “I don’t want it. I don’t want anything that’s his.”
Anita stood up and put her hands
on her hips. “Jimmy,please.” Two tears trailed down her cheek. “Forgive him.”
“I can’t.” Jimmy shook his head. “I can’t forgive someone who couldn’t even be
happy for me, who didn’t believe in me.” He stopped and ran his fingers through
his high and tight haircut. “Who
couldn’t even come to say goodbye to me before I went off to basic. He’s a coward, Mom. I don’t want anything to do with a coward.”
Anita hugged her body and looked
down at the cracked cement of the porch.
“You’re coming to his funeral, aren’t you?” she whispered.
“Why should I? He wouldn’t come to mine.”
“That’s a terrible thing to say,
Jimmy Alexander. Terrible.”
“The truth hurts, Mom.” He kissed her cheek. “The truth always hurts.” He hugged his mom and backed away. Her body was stiff. “I’m going home. I haven’t seen Lyddie in three months.”
“Jimmy, you’re father is
dead. Don’t you think I need you more?”
“My wife is pregnant. She thought she miscarried earlier
tonight. I need to be with her. If you wouldn’t have insulted her on the day
I left, I may have thought twice about leaving.”
“I’m sorry, Jimmy. I was upset.”
“A little late for sorry. Goodbye.”
Lt. Baker walked Lydia up to the
apartment door. It was dark outside and
she didn’t want to walk up alone. Before
she opened the door, she heard a loud crash. The key turned in the lock and she
went inside. The shelves that had books
on them were empty. Instead, they were
scattered on the floor. A lamp was
knocked over. A few of her wooden
trinkets were on the ground. She heard a
loud growling sound and knew it was Jimmy.
“Jimmy?” she called out. She looked at Lt. Baker with pleading
eyes. “Daddy, don’t go, yet.” She walked into the kitchen. “Jimmy?”
He wasn’t there either. She walked back to the front room and saw
Jimmy holding on to the couch kicking the back of it.
“Jimmy, stop!” she ordered. “Stop that right now!”
Jimmy looked up. The realization that Lydia was ordering him
to stop hit him. His eyes darted around
at the mess he had made. “Lyddie,
oh. I’m sorry, baby. I’m sorry.
I’ll clean it up.”
Lydia walked towards him, but he
held up his hand. “Don’t, baby. Just stay away for a second. I need a few
minutes to myself.”
Lydia walked back over to her
dad. He rested his hand on her shoulder. “Jimmy, what happened?” She saw him grip the couch harder and his
knuckles whitened.
“My dad killed himself. My stupid dad put a gun to his head and said
to heck with Jimmy. To heck with
life.” He kicked the back of the
couch. “To heck with everything!” A painted wooden statue of a little girl fell
over on the table and broke. Lydia
picked it up with watery eyes. “My
daddy--“
Jimmy put his hand over his
eyes. “Your daddy made that didn’t
he? Lyddie, I’m sorry. I’ll fix it.”
“I’ve had it since I was a baby.
You stop being one! You’re
scaring me, Jimmy. I’ve never seen you
like this.”
Lt. Baker pulled her closer to
him when he saw Jimmy coming towards her.
“I’d never hurt your daughter,
Leiutenant, I swear. She means too much to me, sir. I won’t hurt her.”
“I’m not leaving you alone with
her until you calm down, Jimmy.”
“Then, you might want to call
Mrs. Baker and tell her you’ll be sleeping on our couch tonight.”
Lydia knelt down on the floor and
picked up some of the books and a few of the trinkets that had fallen. Jimmy knelt down in front of her. “Lyddie, I’ll clean it up. I was mad.
I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry I made such a mess of things. I shouldn’t have.”
Lydia wiped her tears with the back of her hand. “You broke my favorite one, Jimmy. I could care less about the rest of them, but
this one-“ She held up her statue. “This
one he made while he was deployed before I was even born.”
“Lydia, you don’t have to tell
him the story. He’s upset. Don’t make it worse,” Lt. Baker warned.
“Lyddie, please stop crying. I’ll fix it.”
“You can’t fix it! It’s not yours to fix! He made it because he
wanted a girl. The boy died. He didn’t finish it until the day I was born
and you broke it. You broke it because
you were being selfish. Your daddy died.
I get it, but you’ve got other people in your life who care about you-who love
you, Jimmy. Don’t let him get to you
even when he’s in his grave.”
Jimmy looked at Lt. Baker’s
eyes. They had a cloudy look in
them. A cloudy look he had seen too many
times in his own father’s eyes.
“Leiutenant? Are you okay?”
Lt. Baker shook his head like he
was clearing out his mind. “Fine. Just thinking about something. Lydia, I’ll take the statue. I’ll repair it.”
“Why can’t anything go right
tonight?” Lydia pushed passed Jimmy and
her dad and made her way into the bedroom.
Jimmy crossed his arms and stared
down the hall. He took several deep
breaths before he exhaled slowly.
“You squared away?” Lt. Baker
asked his son-in-law.
“Yes, sir. I need to go-“
“I know where you need to
go. I’ll just show myself out.” Lt. Baker walked towards the door. He put his hand on the knob and turned toward
Jimmy. “Watch yourself around my
daughter, please. She’s sensitive.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Don’t hurt her.”
“Never, sir.”
“She may not want you to fix
this,” he pointed to the statue. “But,
you need to fix whatever is going on in this.” He pointed to his temple.
“Understand?”
“Affirmative, sir. Good night.”
Jimmy let Lt. Baker out the door
and he walked back to the bedroom.
“Lyddie?”
He found her curled up on the
bed. Sobs came from her direction. He
crawled on the bed and put his arm around her.
She wouldn’t turn around.
“Lyddie, I need to talk to you. I
need you to look at me. I’ve got some
issues I need to work out before nine months is up. I don’t have a daddy like yours.”
“You don’t have a daddy at all,
anymore, Jimmy.” Lydia sniffed.
“That’s what scares me. What if I’m like him?”
Lydia turned around so she was
facing Jimmy. He saw the trail of tears
and wiped them away before she spoke.
“Jimmy, you’re not-“
“I’m not now, but what if I am
when our baby is born? I’m going to have
a son. You’re supposed to have a role
model in your father. I had a terrible
one. What if I end up thinking that he’s
never good enough? What if he doesn’t
live up to my expectations and I tune him out?
I don’t want to be that kind of dad, Lyddie.” Jimmy blinked to keep the tears from
surfacing.
“Your daddy just died,
Jimmy. You can cry.”
He tucked the stray hair behind
Lydia’s ear. “Not in front of you,
baby. Never in front of you.”
Jimmy rubbed his thumb along her
cheekbone. Lydia held Jimmy’s wrist and
kept her eyes on his. He could look into
her eyes and let all the worries fade.
The way she looked at him let him know that everything would be fine.
“I’m sorry I broke your statue,”
he whispered.
She put her finger to his
lips. “You’re going to be a great daddy,
Jimmy. If you take care of this baby the
way you take care of me, everything will be just fine.”
He took her hand and kissed the
back of it. “I love you, baby. Always and forever.”
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