Perfect 10-Before the Always

Jimmy got to his parents house quickly.  There was an ambulance and two police cars in front.  He also saw a black van that didn’t have any windows.  Something was wrong. His mom was sitting on the front stoop staring at the ground.  She had a kleenex in her hand she had shredded to pieces and watched the remnants fall on the cement of the porch.

“Mom?”  He put a hand on her shoulder.  “Where’s Dad?”

Anita closed her eyes and looked over at the cars.  “In the van.”

“Does he want to see me?”

Anita shook her head.  “Even if he did, he can’t now, Jimmy.  He’s dead.”

Jimmy turned pale in an instant.  He dropped to his knees and stayed in front of his mom.  “Heart attack?”

“He found his gun, Jimmy.  He found his gun and he left a note and then he-”  She closed her eyes again.  “He shot himself point blank.”

“Why?  Why would he do something like that?  I thought he was getting better.”

“You, Jimmy.  Okay.  He tried to stop you and failed.  You did exactly what he told you he wanted, but he didn’t really want that.  He wanted you to do something for yourself not for him.  He lied to you, Jimmy.  The army won’t do anything for you except lower your self-esteem and give you nightmares about the front line.  Why on earth did you decide to join?”

“Mom, did you see the planes crash into the towers.  Do you want to jump to your death from a building.”

“If I could be with your father,  I would.”  Anita ran her fingers through her hair.  “Jimmy, he’s gone.  He didn’t even say goodbye.”

“Coward,” Jimmy mumbled.

“Don’t you speak ill of the dead, young man.  He’ll always be your father.  Don’t you forget that.”

“I’d rather forget that.  He didn’t even think about where that would leave you or me.  He’s selfish, inconsiderate, and he never liked me.  I never did anything right by him.  Ever.”

“Jimmy, that’s not true.  You married the girl you got pregnant.”

Jimmy stood up from the porch and threw his hands in the air.  “Mom, how many times do I have to tell you?  Lyddie and I did things in order!  And don’t make this about her anyway.  This is about my dad, not my wife.”

Anita reached over on a table and grabbed an envelope.  “Here.  He left this for you.”  She put the white envelope with his name scrawled across the front of it in his hands.

“What is it?”

“I’m guessing a letter.  It isn’t mine.”

Jimmy handed it back to his mom.  “I don’t want it.  I don’t want anything that’s his.”

Anita stood up and put her hands on her hips.  “Jimmy,please.”  Two tears trailed down her cheek.  “Forgive him.”

“I can’t.”  Jimmy shook his head.  “I can’t forgive someone who couldn’t even be happy for me, who didn’t believe in me.” He stopped and ran his fingers through his high and tight haircut.  “Who couldn’t even come to say goodbye to me before I went off to basic.  He’s a coward, Mom.  I don’t want anything to do with a coward.”

Anita hugged her body and looked down at the cracked cement of the porch.  “You’re coming to his funeral, aren’t you?” she whispered.

“Why should I?  He wouldn’t come to mine.”

“That’s a terrible thing to say, Jimmy Alexander.  Terrible.”

“The truth hurts, Mom.”  He kissed her cheek.  “The truth always hurts.”  He hugged his mom and backed away.  Her body was stiff.  “I’m going home.  I haven’t seen Lyddie in three months.”

“Jimmy, you’re father is dead.  Don’t you think I need you more?”

“My wife is pregnant.  She thought she miscarried earlier tonight.  I need to be with her.  If you wouldn’t have insulted her on the day I left, I may have thought twice about leaving.”

“I’m sorry, Jimmy.  I was upset.”

“A little late for sorry.  Goodbye.” 

Lt. Baker walked Lydia up to the apartment door.  It was dark outside and she didn’t want to walk up alone.  Before she opened the door, she heard a loud crash. The key turned in the lock and she went inside.  The shelves that had books on them were empty.  Instead, they were scattered on the floor.  A lamp was knocked over.  A few of her wooden trinkets were on the ground.  She heard a loud growling sound and knew it was Jimmy.

“Jimmy?”  she called out.  She looked at Lt. Baker with pleading eyes.  “Daddy, don’t go, yet.”  She walked into the kitchen.  “Jimmy?”

He wasn’t there either.  She walked back to the front room and saw Jimmy holding on to the couch kicking the back of it.

“Jimmy, stop!” she ordered.  “Stop that right now!”

Jimmy looked up.  The realization that Lydia was ordering him to stop hit him.  His eyes darted around at the mess he had made.  “Lyddie, oh.  I’m sorry, baby.  I’m sorry.  I’ll clean it up.”

Lydia walked towards him, but he held up his hand.  “Don’t, baby.  Just stay away for a second. I need a few minutes to myself.”

Lydia walked back over to her dad.  He rested his hand on her shoulder.  “Jimmy, what happened?”  She saw him grip the couch harder and his knuckles whitened.

“My dad killed himself.  My stupid dad put a gun to his head and said to heck with Jimmy.  To heck with life.”  He kicked the back of the couch.  “To heck with everything!”  A painted wooden statue of a little girl fell over on the table and broke.  Lydia picked it up with watery eyes.  “My daddy--“

Jimmy put his hand over his eyes.  “Your daddy made that didn’t he?  Lyddie, I’m sorry.  I’ll fix it.”

“I’ve had it since I was a  baby.  You stop being one!  You’re scaring me, Jimmy.  I’ve never seen you like this.”

Lt. Baker pulled her closer to him when he saw Jimmy coming towards her.

“I’d never hurt your daughter, Leiutenant,  I swear.  She means too much to me, sir.  I won’t hurt her.”

“I’m not leaving you alone with her until you calm down, Jimmy.”

“Then, you might want to call Mrs. Baker and tell her you’ll be sleeping on our couch tonight.”

Lydia knelt down on the floor and picked up some of the books and a few of the trinkets that had fallen.  Jimmy knelt down in front of her.  “Lyddie, I’ll clean it up.  I was mad.  I’m sorry.  Okay?  I’m sorry I made such a mess of things.  I shouldn’t have.”

Lydia wiped her  tears with the back of her hand.  “You broke my favorite one, Jimmy.  I could care less about the rest of them, but this one-“ She held up her statue.  “This one he made while he was deployed before I was even born.”

“Lydia, you don’t have to tell him the story.  He’s upset.  Don’t make it worse,” Lt. Baker warned.

“Lyddie, please stop crying.  I’ll fix it.”

“You can’t fix it!  It’s not yours to fix! He made it because he wanted a girl.  The boy died.  He didn’t finish it until the day I was born and you broke it.  You broke it because you were being selfish.  Your daddy died. I get it, but you’ve got other people in your life who care about you-who love you, Jimmy.  Don’t let him get to you even when he’s in his grave.”

Jimmy looked at Lt. Baker’s eyes.  They had a cloudy look in them.  A cloudy look he had seen too many times in his own father’s eyes.  “Leiutenant?  Are you okay?”

Lt. Baker shook his head like he was clearing out his mind.  “Fine.  Just thinking about something.  Lydia, I’ll take the statue.  I’ll repair it.”

“Why can’t anything go right tonight?”  Lydia pushed passed Jimmy and her dad and made her way into the bedroom.

Jimmy crossed his arms and stared down the hall.  He took several deep breaths before he exhaled slowly.

“You squared away?” Lt. Baker asked his son-in-law.

“Yes, sir.  I need to go-“

“I know where you need to go.  I’ll just show myself out.”  Lt. Baker walked towards the door.  He put his hand on the knob and turned toward Jimmy.  “Watch yourself around my daughter, please.  She’s sensitive.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Don’t hurt her.”

“Never, sir.”

“She may not want you to fix this,” he pointed to the statue.  “But, you need to fix whatever is going on in this.” He pointed to his temple. “Understand?”

“Affirmative, sir.  Good night.”

Jimmy let Lt. Baker out the door and he walked back to the bedroom.

“Lyddie?”

He found her curled up on the bed.  Sobs came from her direction. He crawled on the bed and put his arm around her.  She wouldn’t turn around.  “Lyddie, I need to talk to you.  I need you to look at me.  I’ve got some issues I need to work out before nine months is up.  I don’t have a daddy like yours.”

“You don’t have a daddy at all, anymore, Jimmy.”  Lydia sniffed.

“That’s what scares me.  What if I’m like him?”

Lydia turned around so she was facing Jimmy.  He saw the trail of tears and wiped them away before she spoke.  “Jimmy, you’re not-“

“I’m not now, but what if I am when our baby is born?  I’m going to have a son.  You’re supposed to have a role model in your father.  I had a terrible one.  What if I end up thinking that he’s never good enough?  What if he doesn’t live up to my expectations and I tune him out?  I don’t want to be that kind of dad, Lyddie.”  Jimmy blinked to keep the tears from surfacing.

“Your daddy just died, Jimmy.  You can cry.”

He tucked the stray hair behind Lydia’s ear.  “Not in front of you, baby.  Never in front of you.”

Jimmy rubbed his thumb along her cheekbone.  Lydia held Jimmy’s wrist and kept her eyes on his.  He could look into her eyes and let all the worries fade.  The way she looked at him let him know that everything would be fine.

“I’m sorry I broke your statue,” he whispered.

She put her finger to his lips.  “You’re going to be a great daddy, Jimmy.  If you take care of this baby the way you take care of me, everything will be just fine.”

He took her hand and kissed the back of it.  “I love you, baby.  Always and forever.”

Number 9-Before the Always

Lydia stood in the kitchen reaching for a pan on the top shelf of the pantry.  It had been 12 weeks and in that time her belly had started to take shape of a small basketball.  It got in the way  of everything she thought.  When she reached up to grab the pan, she couldn’t reach over far enough to get it.  Her belly was too wide and her arms were too short.  She wanted to cry.  She just wanted to make herself dinner, but couldn’t even get a stupid pan out of the cabinet.  She refused to cry, though.  It was silly.  Instead, she just got angry and punched her parent’s number on the phone.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Daddy.  Are you guys having dinner right now?”

“In a few minutes.  Why?”

Lydia brushed the hair back from her face.  It was August and the heat and pregnancy made her sweat.  “Can I come over and eat with you guys?”

“Sure, sweetheart.  As long as you tell me what’s the matter.”

“It’s stupid, Daddy.”

“Lydia.”  Lt. Baker did his dad tone voice.

“I just wanted to boil some water to make some spaghetti for myself and I can’t reach the freakin’ pan!”

“That’s what happens, short stuff.”

“It’s not because I’m short.”  She paused and put her hand on her stomach.  “It’s because I’m fat.”

“Baby girl, you’re not fat.  I don’t think you’ve ever been fat.  You’re having a baby.  Remember?  You need a little meat on your bones, so the baby’s healthy.”

“Whatever.”

Lydia felt like sitting down, but she didn’t want to sit at one of the kitchen table chairs.  They were too hard.  The floor in the kitchen was tile, but it  was cool and she was burning up.  She slid down the counter and plopped herself down in front of the sink.

“I don’t think I can do this, Daddy.  I want Jimmy home.”

“You just want somebody who’s over six foot to reach the top shelf.  Don’t worry, sweetie, you’re knight in shining armor will be home soon.”

“Words, words, words, Daddy.  Those don’t make it any better until he’s standing in front of me.”

Lydia heard a knock on the door.  She tried to hoist herself back up, but was unsuccessful.  “Just come in,” she yelled to the guest.  She didn’t think to ask who it was.  Before she could ask the question, she heard the knob turn and the sound of footsteps come through the door.

“Hello?  Lyddie?  Where’s that pretty wife of mine I haven’t seen in 12 weeks.”

Lydia closed her eyes. “Daddy, I have to go.  Jimmy’s home.”  She didn’t even wait for her dad to say goodbye.

“In the kitchen.”

Jimmy walked into the kitchen and saw Lydia sitting on the floor.  He put his hands on his hips and looked down at her.  “What are you doing down there, baby?”

“I’m hot and the floor is cold.”  Lydia crossed her arms over her stomach.  “And I’m not pretty anymore.  I’m fat, my ankles are swollen, I can’t reach things on the top shelf, and I have to pee every five minutes.”

Jimmy smiled, but Lydia could see the laugh he was trying to hide.  He bent down and braced Lydia so she could stand up.  He held out her hands to her sides, so he could survey the baby bump and Lydia.  “Nope, nuh-uh.  You are the prettiest girl I’ve seen in twelve weeks.  You look amazing, baby.”  He leaned in to kiss her, but before their lips touched Lydia let out a quiet shocked “oh.”

“What’s wrong?”  Jimmy’s face screwed up into a look of concern.

“The baby.  He’s never kicked that hard before.  Here, feel.”  Lydia took Jimmy’s hand and put it on the side of her stomach.  He felt a kick and smiled.

“Does it hurt?”

“No.”

“Good.  Nobody hurts my girl.  Not even unborn babies.”

“He’s not going to hurt me.”

Jimmy grinned again.  “You keep saying he, Lyddie.  Something I should know?”

“I don’t know.  I did the sonogram a week ago and told the doctor I didn’t want to know until you knew, so he sent me home with the pictures and said he put the gender in folder.”  She went to the edge of the counter and found the manila folder.

“Want to know?”  Lydia asked holding up the folder in front of him.

“You bet’cha.”

Lydia opened the folder and slipped out the sonogram pictures.  Jimmy stood behind her and rubbed her shoulders.  He peeked over her shoulder and saw the pictures that looked like something from the X-files. “Lyddie, are we having an alien baby?”

“No, smarty pants, we’re not.  We’re having a boy.  See?”  She pointed to a picture that had an arrow pointing to the area that showed what the sex of the baby was.  The doctor had typed it’s a boy on the top of it.

“A boy?”  Jimmy grinned.

“Yep, a boy.”

“Are you happy?  Is that what you want?” Jimmy asked.  He stopped rubbing her shoulders and stood facing her at the counter.

“Well, I really can’t change it now, can I?”

Jimmy shrugged.  “Guess not.”

“I just want a happy, healthy baby.  Something that my mama couldn’t have.”

“I don’t believe for a minute you weren’t happy or unhealthy.”  He kissed her on the cheek. “So, will a boy make you happy?”

“If he’s anything like you, he will.”

“What?  Stubborn?  Onery? Unwilling to take no for an answer?  Yeah, just what I need.  Another me.”  Jimmy stood up behind her and put his hand back on her stomach.  He was hoping to feel another kick.  He rested his chin on her shoulder.  “I sort of wanted a girl, first.  A little girl with big brown eyes and long dark hair.  She’d look just like her mama.”

“And she’d act like her, too.  Total drama queen,” Lydia smiled.  “She’d have her daddy wrapped around her little finger.”

“I wouldn’t mind.  I’ve got two little fingers.  One for you and one for her.”  He paused.  “If she ever comes along. Maybe next time.”

“How many next times do you think there’ll be?”

“Enough.”

“That’s not a number, Jimmy.”

“We don’t need numbers, baby.  We’ve got love.”  He buried his face in her neck and kissed her. She rolled his eyes at his syrupy remark.  “Lyddie?”

“Hmm?”  She was enjoying Jimmy’s mouth pressed against her too much to come up with an actual word or sentence.

“Is it all right, if we, y’know?”  He darted his eyes towards the bedroom.

“Um, yeah, the books say its fine.”

Jimmy ran his finger up Lydia’s forearm.  “Oh, the books, huh?  Bet you’ve got that page bookmarked.”

Lydia smiled and her eyes danced.  “Dogeared and highlighted.”

Jimmy opened his mouth in mock shock.  “You’re a naughty girl, aren’t you.”

“Maybe you should teach me a lesson.”

Jimmy raised an eyebrow.  “A lesson?” He sniffed.  “Maybe I should teach you a few.”

Lydia grabbed Jimmy’s hand and led him to the bedroom.  “I’m counting on it.”

“Roger that.”

Lydia and Jimmy laid tangled in the sheets.  She had her head resting on his chest and the fingers of her hand interlaced with one of his hands.  “I missed this,” Lydia said aloud.

“So did I.”  He stroked her hair and kissed the top of her head.

“I mean this.  These.”  She held up his hands.  “I missed your touch.  The way you always held my hand.  The way you pulled me close whenever you thought someone or something was going to bother me.”  She dropped his hands and traced the definitive lines of his abs. “They way you always push that one hair that never stays in place out of my face.  I felt safe, y’know.”

“What about when I was gone, Lyddie?”

“You knew how I felt.  I wrote you letters.  I didn’t leave anything out.  I promise.”

“You didn’t send me pictures, Lyddie.  I wanted pictures of you.  Of what I was coming home, to.  I missed seeing your face everyday.”

Lydia propped herself up on her elbows.  “No way, Jimmy.  There was no way I was going to let you tack a picture of me up on your bed.  Look at me.  I look horrible.”

“Stop it, Lyddie.  You look beautiful.  You’re adorable all rounded out.  You’ve got that glow thing going for you.  I’d definitely want to see that look again.”

“I’ve gained twenty pounds.”

“So, you finally tipped the scale at 100.  Good job.”

Lydia grabbed a pillow and hit Jimmy in the stomach with it.  “They didn’t teach you any manners at basic, did they?”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t finishing school, Mrs. Baker-Brown.”

Lydia held up Jimmy’s hand and looked at it again.  “Did you shoot a gun?”

“That’s sort of required, baby.”

She dropped his hands and propped herself up on her elbows.“You told me you wouldn’t be doing that!”

Jimmy sat up and put his hand on Lydia’s cheek.  “Shh, calm down.  I have to protect myself, baby.  I have to know a few things about the infantry if I’m going to be working with them.  All right?  I told you I’d rarely see combat.  I didn’t say I’d never see combat.”

“You promised-“

“I promised I’d make sure you were okay.  I never promised that I wouldn’t carry a gun.”  He rubbed her shoulders and felt the tension welling up in them.  “Besides, I know how to shoot, baby.  I used to go hunting with my dad all the time before he decided he didn’t like me anymore.”

“Jimmy, don’t say things like that.”

“It’s the truth, Lyddie.  He never wrote me.  I got more letters from you and your parents than my own family.”

Before Lydia could say anything, the phone rang. “Shoot, dinner.  I told my parents I was coming over.”

Jimmy reached over and picked up the phone and handed it to Lydia.  She was right.  It was her parents asking if she was coming to dinner or not.  Lydia said she’d be there in a few minutes with Jimmy.  She hung up the phone and got out of the bed.  Then, she walked over to the closet to try to find something to wear.  When she got frustrated with everything on her side of the closet, she went over to Jimmy’s side and pilfered for a shirt.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing fits.”

Jimmy reached into his duffle bag and pulled out a grey shirt with ARMY emblazoned on the front of it.

“Here, wear this.”  He handed her the shirt.  She held it up in front of her and then lowered it a little.

“Uh, Jimmy, did you forget where we are going?  My daddy  wouldn’t even let me through the front door  if he saw me in this.”

“Well, good.”  He stood up and kissed her.  “Maybe we can get home sooner then.”  His hands slid down her sides to her tummy.

“I don’t think he’s moving.  Pretty sure we rocked him to sleep,” Lydia remarked.

He moved his mouth to her ear.  “And did I rock you?” he whispered.

“Jimmy Brown! That is totally uncalled for!”

“If I didn’t you don’t have to wear the shirt.  But, if I did, then you’re wearing it.”

“Fine.”  She wriggled into the shirt that stretched over her baby bump.  “Is that what you wanted?”

“Yeah, baby.  Let’s go.”

Jimmy drove and helped Lydia out of his truck.  They stood on the front porch and Jimmy’s eyes showed an onery twinkle.

“Wonder if your dad will still flip the porch light on if were out here kissing.”

“Only one way to find out.”

Jimmy leaned down and kissed Lydia.  Her tender lips felt so soft against his.  She tried to pull away, but he wouldn’t let her.  “I’ve missed you so much, Lyddie. I’ve missed your smile.  I’ve missed your touch.  The way you look at me with those big brown eyes.”  His lips never left hers.The porch light flipped on and Lydia turned around quickly.  It was like she was getting caught all over again.  Jimmy wrapped his arms around her rounded stomach very lightly.  The door came open and Lt. Baker stood at the door smiling.

“Well, I was going to invite you two in for dinner, but it seems Lydia’s already eaten a basketball and Jimmy looks like he’s hungry for something we don’t offer here.”  The tips of Jimmy’s ears turned red.

“Daddy!”

Lt. Baker smiled and leaned on the door.  “I’m just kidding, you two.  Come on in.”  He took a second glance at Lydia’s shirt and put a hand in front of her.  “Wait a minute, baby girl.  You seem to have forgotten where you came from.”

“I know where I came from, Daddy.”  She held out her shirt with a thumb on either side of the word Army.  “This is where I’m going.”

“I shouldn’t even let you in this house,” Lt. Baker said smiling.

Lydia kissed her dad on the cheek. “But, you love me and you wouldn’t want your first grandbaby to starve, so you will.”

“All right, fine.  Come in, but you ground pounder stay outside.”

Jimmy threw his hands in the air.  “I thought you liked me, Leiutenant.  What gives?”

Michelle walked into the front room as soon as she heard Jimmy talking.  “Don’t listen to him, Jimmy.  He’s nothing but trouble.”  She reached up and hugged him.  “Welcome home.”

“Thanks.”

Lydia took her mom’s hand and led her back to the kitchen.  “I’m starving, Mama.  What’s for dinner?”

Michelle barely caught her footing as she was being drug into the kitchen.  “We’re having a  boy!”  Lydia knew her mom would either be ecstatic or super emotional. Her miscarriages had all been boys.  She wanted her mom to know first, so she could get whatever emotions out of her system before she told her daddy.

“A boy?  Oh, sweetheart.  That’s, that’s-“ Michelle swiped a tear with the back of her hand.  “That’s great, Lydia.”  Michelle gave her only child a hug.  “He’s going to be so spoiled.  You know that, right?”

Lydia nodded.

Michelle turned and stirred the pot of chicken and dumplings on the stove.“I think I may still have the blanket I was crocheting for the last one.”

Lydia shook her head and put a hand on her shoulder..  “Mama, no.  Don’t do that.  That will just bring back old memories.  Bad memories.  You shouldn’t do that.”

“But, I need to do something, sweetheart.  I’m having a tough time watching you go through this.”  Michelle looked in the oven to see if the rolls were ready.

“Make a new one, Mama.  One that only belongs to him.  It isn’t fair if he has to use someone else’s.”  Lydia gathered the salt, pepper and butter and put them on the table.  She counted out the right number of plates and silverware and was turning to put them onto the table when Jimmy came in.

“Lyddie, what are you doing?  Put those down.”

“I can still set a table, Jimmy.”

“It’s too much.  Let me have them.”  He grabbed the plates and silverware out of her hands.  “You sit down.”  He held out the chair for Lydia and nodded for her to sit in the seat.  She sighed and made a big display of plopping down in the chair.  Jimmy kissed her cheek.

“You’re not lifting a finger while I’m here.”

Michelle smiled at Jimmy.  “You’re a good son-in-law, Jimmy.  Probably the best one around.”

“And you’re a great mother-in-law.”

“You can drop the in-law part anytime.”

“Stop flirting with Jimmy, Mama,” Lydia mumbled.

“We’re not flirting, Lyddie.  There’s only one girl I’ve got my eye on since I’ve been home.”  His eyes twinkled as he sat the table.  He sat the last plate in front of Lydia and rested his hands on her shoulders. “Before then, even.  Always you, baby.  Always and forever,” he whispered in her ear.

“Danny, dinner’s ready.  You better come in here so we can show these two newlyweds up.  I think Jimmy may be gaining the lead on brownie points in here.”  Michelle didn’t have to wait long for Lt. Baker to show up in the kitchen.  He walked up behind her and put his arms around her waist.  He rested his chin on her shoulder.  “Smells delicious, honey.”

“Thanks.”

He turned her around and wiggled his eyebrows at her.  “I wasn’t talking about the food, Shelly.”

Lydia hid her face in her hands.  “Oh brother, this is embarassing.”  She looked at her parents through a slit in her fingers.  “Do you two need to be alone right now?  Should Jimmy and I come back later?”

Michelle’s grin widened.  “That’s an idea.”

Lt. Baker stepped away from his wife.  “Nothing a cold shower can’t fix.”

“Good, because your mom made my favorite and I am not passing that up.  Army food stinks.”

“Military food in general stinks, Private Brown,” Lt. Baker remarked.

“Roger that,” Jimmy agreed.

Michelle brought the bowl of chicken and dumplings to the table and sat them down in front of Jimmy.  Lt. Baker brought over the mashed potatoes.  Lydia said she was going to get the rolls and green beans, but Jimmy went and got them before she could even rise up out of her seat.

They said a prayer and then passed the food around.

“Did you tell them?” Jimmy asked Lydia.  His grin was a mile wide.

“Tell them what?” Lydia teased.

Jimmy put his hand on her stomach.  “About our baby boy.”

Michelle dropped her fork and mouthed “oops.”  She was having flashbacks of telling Danny they were having a boy and never seeing that dream come true.

Lt. Baker picked up Michelle’s fork and handed it to her.  He wrapped his fingers around the hand she wasn’t using. “A boy, huh?” Lt. Baker repeated.

“Yes, sir,” Jimmy affirmed.

“That’s great.  It’s fantastic,” Lt. Baker mumbled.

“Daddy, are you okay?”

Lt. Baker cleared his throat and let go of Michelle’s hand.  “Fine, sweetheart.  I’m fine.”  He rubbed the back of his ear.   “I hear boys are great to raise.  Not as tough as girls.  No drama.”

“Daddy, that’s not fair. When have I even been dramatic?”

Lt. Baker cocked an eyebrow.  “Where should I start, sweetheart?”

“Nevermind.”  Lydia shoved a forkful of food in her mouth.

Lt. Baker looked at Jimmy.  “How’s your mom and dad?”

Jimmy scooted some green  beans around on his plate.  “I, um, I don’t know.  They didn’t really send me any letters.  Dad’s still in the hospital, I think and Mom just had a really tough time with me leaving Riley.  Has she talked to you guys?”

Michelle shook her head and Lt. Baker said no.  He knew not to ask Lydia anything about his family.  His mom made her thoughts about Lydia known at the bus station.

“Hey, Jimmy, where’s Stokes?  I’d thought he’d be hanging out with you when you got home,”Lydia asked.

He took a bite of the green beans he had been scooting around. “He stayed at the post.  Told me there wasn’t anything left for him to come home to so he was going to try something new.  His aunt almost had a heart attack when he told her he wasn’t coming home, but whatever.”

“Did you want to stay at the post?” Lydia asked in a voice as quiet as a whisper.

Jimmy turned and looked at his wife.  “No, never.  That’s too far away from you.  I couldn’t stand not seeing you every day.”

“They have married housing,” Lt. Baker chimed in.

Michelle elbowed his stomach.  “Don’t you give him any ideas of taking my baby away from me.”

“Are you talking about Lydia or your grandson?”

“Both.”

Michelle watched Lydia’s face for a moment.  She wasn’t really paying attention to the conversation she had started. Instead, she was rubbing her stomach.  Her face was tensed up, but she kept trying to relax it.

“Lydia?”

“Hmm?”

“Lydia, look at me,” Michelle begged.

Lydia looked up.  She grabbed Jimmy’s hand and squeezed it. “OH!”

“What, Lyddie?  Tell me!”  Jimmy had dropped his fork and was looking into Lydia’s eyes.

“It hurts,” she whispered.  “Ohmigosh, it hurts.”  Her voice rose higher.

Michelle stood up from her seat.  “Dear God, don’t punish her for what I did wrong.”  She ran into the living room.  Lt. Baker was torn.  He didn’t know whether to run to his wife or to make sure Lydia was okay.  His eyes  darted from the living room to Lydia and back to the living room.  Lydia looked up and saw his face.

“Go, Daddy.  Jimmy can take care of me.”  She squeezed her eyes shut and reached out for Jimmy.

Lt. Baker nodded and went after  Michelle.

Jimmy smoothed back Lydia’s hair and pressed his forehead against hers.  “Tell me what hurts, baby.”

“I think he’s just stretching.”  Lydia winced.  “But, it really hurts.”

Jimmy put his hands on either side of Lydia’s rounded abdomen.  He knelt down in front of her, so his face was directly in front of her belly.  “You listen, here, little mister.  This is your daddy talking.  You stop hurting your mama right now.  She didn’t do anything but give you a place to cook for a few months.  Free room and board.  Be nice to her. Stop whatever you’re doing right now.”

Lydia grabbed Jimmy’s wrists.  Her face twisted in pain.  “I don’t think that worked, Jimmy.”  She stood up.  Her eyes glistened with tears.  “I need to go to the bathroom. I have to . . . I have to check something.” She didn’t even make it three steps toward the stairs before she fell to her knees.  Jimmy jumped out of his seat and scooped her up from the floor.  He carried her up the stairs and into her room.  All the while, Lydia kept apologizing and Jimmy quieted her and told her it wasn’t her fault.  Jimmy sat her on her bed.

“Do you want me to stay in here with you?” he asked.

Lydia shook her head.  “You stay here and I’ll go check.”  Lydia stood up slowly clutching her stomach.  She fought back the tears.  When she stood in her bathroom, pain seared through her entire body.  She didn’t know what to do, so she did what she always did when she was nervous.  She threw up barely making it in the stool.  “Please, baby boy.  Don’t do this. Please,”  she bargained with her unborn child.  She braced herself on the stool and the toilet and stood up.  She didn’t want to know what was coming.  She’d been doing everything right so far. She went to her regularly scheduled appointments.  She ate right.  She even took a morning walk everyday.  There wasn’t a healthier pregnant lady in Riley.  Her doctor which was Jimmy’s neighbor always joked she was the pregnant lady poster child.  And now, Jimmy was home.  She knew this shouldn’t be happening.  She could understand how her mom felt. 

Lydia took a deep breath and pulled down her shorts.  She closed her eyes and prayed for what seemed like hours before she looked down.  She opened her eyes and looked down.  “Oh, thank God,” she whispered.  The blood that she thought would be there was not.  She leaned against the wall.

“All right, little boy.  You need to go apologize to your grandma.  You had her scared to death.  Don’t do that.  Don’t you ever do that.  Okay?  Is that clear?”  She patted her stomach and felt a jolt of a kick.  “You sure are feisty.  Are you gonna be a soccer player?”  Lydia grinned.  “If your daddy asks, just tell him you’re practicing punting, okay?  He’s not a big fan of soccer.”  She smiled at her little joke and then opened the door.  Jimmy was standing in front of her with a pale face.

“Everything all right?” he asked.

“Fine.  He’s just an active baby, that’s all.”

Jimmy nodded downstairs to Michelle.  “You better go tell your mom everything’s okay.”  He paused.  “And make an appointment to see Doc as soon as possible.  That’s not normal, is it?”

Lydia shook her head and  trotted down the steps.  Jimmy called after her to slow down.  He was being overprotective again.

“Mama?”  Lydia walked over to her mom on the couch.  Lt. Baker had his arms wrapped around her and she had he face buried in his chest.

“I don’t want bad news.  Don’t tell me bad news.  I can’t take it,” Michelle sobbed.

“He’s okay.  Everything’s okay.  He’s just a really strong, active baby.”

Michelle sat up.  Her eyes were red and her mascara had run.  “Are you sure?”

“Positive.  Here, feel.”  Lydia grabbed Michelle’s hand and put it on her stomach.  The baby was kicking all over the place.  Michelle smiled.

“Good boy.  You don’t make your mama hurt again, okay.  I don’t like to see her in pain.”

“Me neither,” Jimmy added.

“Jimmy, hate to break this to you, but you’re going to have a heck of a time in the delivery room if that’s the case,” Lt. Baker said.

“I’ll take my chances.”

The phone rang and Lt. Baker went to answer it.  He furrowed his eyebrows and handed the phone to Jimmy.  “It’s for you.”

Jimmy scrunched up his face.  “Hello?”  All her could hear was crying.  “Hello?  Who is this?”

“Dad . . . .home? . . . I need you. . . “the person on the other end of the phone was crying too hard to understand.

“I can’t understand.  Slow down.  Who is this?”

He heard two loud sniffs and a sigh.  “Mom, Jimmy.  It’s your mom.  It’s an emergency.”

Jimmy put his hand over his face.  He couldn’t take any more stress today.  First, Lydia, now this.

“Can someone else help.  What about Dad?”

“It is your dad, Jimmy.  He’s the emergency.  I can’t tell you over the phone.  Just come as fast as you can.”  Her sobbing had returned.

“Fine.”  He clicked off the phone.  “I need to go see my mom.  Something’s wrong with my dad.  Lyddie, why don’t you stay here.  You’ve had enough stress for tonight.  You don’t need to have anymore.”

“That’s fine.  I’m just going to eat the rest of your dinner.”

“Go ahead.  You’re eating for two.  It’ll make your tummy rounder.”  He leaned down and whispered in her ear, “And you know how much I enjoyed your bump earlier.  Game on, baby.”

“Jimmy Brown, you’re a brat!”

“Born and raised.”  He winked at her.  “Bye, Lyddie.”

Edition 8

Rumors flew about Jimmy and Lydia for two months.  No one really knew the truth.  They were hiding the fact that they were married pretty well.  Prom night came and Lydia was more nervous than usual.  She sat at the table with Stokes and Sara, his date from another school.

“So, what are you planning to do after high school’s out?” Sara asked Lydia.

Lydia wasn’t paying attention.  She had her head turned watching Jimmy laugh with a bunch of his football buddies.  She turned back around and tried to focus on the conversation.  “I’m sorry, what?”

“After school?  What are you going to do after school?”

Lydia ran her hand over her stomach. “Um, I dunno.  Probably go to community college and get some credits for journalism.”

“Community college?” Stokes asked.  “You’re smarter than that, Lydia.  Everybody knows that.”

Stokes was right, but Lydia didn’t want to admit it.  She had recieved scholarship offers for several schools, but she hadn’t answered any of the acceptance letters.  She looked down at her stomach.  There might be something else she was going to have to work at and it wasn’t academics.  She rested her hand on her stomach.  How was Jimmy going to react?  He’d been working nonstop for months.  He would get home from school, change his clothes, and be at the shop for hours on end.  Lydia tried to get a job, but Jimmy wouldn’t have it.  He told her that he could make the money on his own without her help.  Bills were piling up and the rent was due.  They barely talked to each other.  They hadn’t even slept together for a month.  That’s how she knew that something was wrong.  How would Jimmy take the news she was going to give him?  She couldn’t think about what he would do. She had to come up with an excuse for Stokes before he figured her out.

“I want to be around when Jimmy comes back.  That’s all.”

“Aww, that’s sweet.  When are you two getting married?” Sara asked.  “Nick told me about you two.”

Lydia pulled a face.  “Who’s Nick?”

“Me.  Duh!  Nick Stokes.  Lydia, are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.  I think I’m going to go find Jimmy.”  She got up quickly and blacked out briefly.  “Maybe not.  Uh, Stokes, can you get Jimmy to come over here.  I think I need to go home.”

“Yeah, sure.”  He looked over and saw Jimmy yucking it up some more with the stag football players.  “Jimmy! Come get your girl.”

Lydia rolled her eyes.  “Ugh!”

“Geez, Lydia.  Fine. Jimmy, your lady friend requests your presence at the table.”

Jimmy held up his hand as a sign to hold on a minute.

“Now!” Lydia prompted.  “I need you to come here now.”

Jimmy walked over with his head drooping like he was in trouble.  All the football players teased him on his way to the table.

“What, Lyddie?”  His voice sounded annoyed. He looked up and her face was pale.  That look on her face changed his tone quickly.  He knelt down in a catcher’s squat in front of her.  “Are you okay?”

“I don’t think so.”

“What’s wrong, baby?”

Jimmy always called her baby, but this time the word made an uncomfortable knot in her stomach.  She couldn’t get used to the  fact that they might be parents soon. Lydia looked around.  She didn’t want to tell him here.  There were too many people around.  She leaned forward and whispered in his ear, “Do you have the keys to the hotel room?”

Jimmy smiled.  “Back pocket, baby.  You wanna go now?”

Lydia nodded.  Jimmy took her hand and helped her up.  “See you later, guys.”  He walked her out of the ballroom and into the hotel lobby.  They stood at the elevator trying to avoid any high school kids that knew them.  They were successful and ended up getting on the elevator by themselves.  When the doors opened, they walked to the end of the hall.  Jimmy slipped the key in the door and opened it to reveal the honeymoon suite.

“Jimmy, how much did you spend on this?” Lydia asked concerned.

“I’ve been doing some extra work at the repair shop.  Sam fronted me some money.”

Lydia walked over and sat on the king size bed.  She melted into the soft blankets.  Jimmy walked over to her and kissed her.  She pulled  back.

“Jimmy, that’s not why I wanted to come up here.”

“C’mon, baby.  It’s not every day I get to live out every high school senior’s fantasy of getting a girl in a hotel room.”

Lydia’s eyes glared at her secret husband.  “Don’t talk like that, Jimmy.  You know I don’t like that.”

Jimmy ran his hands up her arms.  “Baby, what’s wrong. You only get defensive when something’s wrong.”

“I was going to wait until after we had graduation and the wedding.”

“Wait on what?”

“I think-“ She blew out a deep breath and tried to compose her thoughts.  She didn’t have any idea how Jimmy was going to take the news she was about to reveal.  She’d seen him angry and she didn’t want to see that again for a long time.  Never would be more like it.  He did stupid things when he was angry, like enlist in the Army.  How was he going to take this news?

  She’d also seen him extemely happy.  She loved when he smiled and his green eyes danced.  But, this news was going to floor him.

“What, Lyddie.  Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“I think I’m pregnant,” she blurted out.

“Good Lord, Lyddie.  That’s what this is all about?  Do you know for sure?”

Lydia shook her head.  “I don’t think I want to know, yet, Jimmy.  I had plans and I’m not quite ready to let them go.”

“Okay, okay.  I get it.  When will you find out?”

“Before you go.  I promise.  Okay.  I just, I’m not sure.  I keep throwing up and I think it’s nerves, but I’m not sure.  It might be because of graduation or the wedding.  I just don’t know.”

“You’re not on anything are you? Nothing that could hurt the baby if you are y’know?”

 “Absolutely not.”

“Any other signs?”

“Just a big one.  Something that seems to be having a very late arrival.”  She leaned over so her elbows rested on her knees.

Jimmy scrunched up his face.  He was quiet for a moment and then the realization played on his face.  “Oh.” He grinned.  “You’re so cute when you try not to be gross around me.”

“Well, it’s gross, Jimmy, okay.  You try bleeding every month for 5-7 days-“

Jimmy covered his ears like he was a five year old trying not to listen to his parents tell him he was in trouble.  “That’s plenty of that, Mrs. Baker-Brown.  Continue trying to be modest.  I like that better.”

“You would, wouldn’t you?  I hope you’re happy that you got to deflower me.”

“King of the world, baby.”  His eyes danced.  “Now, what were we doing before we started having a super serious conversation?”

“I think you were trying to get in my pants,” Lydia remarked.

“Well, seeing as you don’t have any on and that dress zips all the way down the back, I think I might just be able to forgo those details.”

“Jimmy, what if-“

Jimmy pressed his finger against her lips.  “I love you, baby.  All of you.  Nothing is going to stop me from loving you.”

“Maybe we should go back downstairs.  You haven’t danced with me, yet.”

“We can dance right here.”  He walked over to the dresser and clicked a few buttons on the remote.  Wonderful Tonight by Eric Clapton filled the room.

“Jimmy, I want to go downstairs.  Where people are.”

“Lydia, I’m not dancing in front of them.”  He lifted her off the bed.  “Besides, this is much more sexy, don’t you think.”  He danced around the room with her and sang softly in her ear.  His hand ran up and down her back stopping in variously places that made her skin tingle.  Lydia smiled.  “I didn’t know you could sing and dance.”

“Family secret.  No one knows, okay. No one.  Not even Stokes.”

“Secret’s safe with me.” Lydia leaned on Jimmy’s chest and closed her eyes.  Everything was going to be okay.

Graduation came and went.  Jimmy and Lydia spent the next day at their wedding.  All the guests showed up at the church and Lydia barely kept her composure as it was.  Jimmy had written his own vows and themed them around the Army.  The words were the sweetest Lydia had ever heard.  He wouldn’t let her go more than two steps away from her that day.  Now, it was two weeks later and Jimmy and Lydia were barely making it in the same room with each other.  In a short while, Jimmy would get on the bus that took him to basic training.

Jimmy shoved his gear into his duffle bag.  The bus was leaving in an hour.  Lydia still wouldn’t tell him anything.  She sat on the edge of the bed tracing the seam of the comforter.

“Well?” he bent down so he surrounded her.

“Not yet.”

“Good news or bad news, baby.  Just tell me.”

“I don’t know what you think would be good news.”

“That you’re okay.  That would be good news.  I can’t leave you like this.  You have to tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”  He put his hand on her stomach.  “In that body of yours.  Tell me, baby.  It’ll be okay.  I’ll make it be okay.  I promise.”

“Don’t do that, Jimmy.  It’s not going to be okay. You’re leaving!  You’re leaving and you might not be coming back.  They might send you straight off to war.  I don’t want that.  I never wanted that.  Stupid Stokes and his stupid ideas!”  Lydia ran into the bathroom.  Jimmy sat down on the bed where Lydia was.  He dropped his head in his hands.  How could he be so stupid?  He signed those papers in moments of anger.  He wanted to protect his country, the  girl he loved, his family.  Where did that leave him?  The girl he loved hated his decision, his family was falling apart, and his best friend was mostly to blame.  He should never have listened to Stokes.  Look where it got him.  He stood up and knocked on the door of the bathroom.

“Lyddie, come out here, baby.  Let’s talk.”

“I can’t, Jimmy.”

“Lyddie, open the door.”

“No.”

“C’mon, Lyddie.  I need to know before I go.  What should I expect when I get home in 12 weeks?”

“You don’t know if you’re coming home in 12 weeks.  I’m not telling you anything.”

“Dang it, Lyddie.  Open the door. We need to talk.”

“I don’t want to talk to you!” Lydia screamed.

“Not an option, Lydia Marie.”  Jimmy turned the knob.  She hadn’t locked it.  He opened the door and the overpowering smell of vomit filled the air.

“How many times, Lyddie?  How many times have you thrown up today?”  He grabbed a washcloth from the cabinet and ran it under some cold water.  He handed it to Lydia and she wiped off her clammy face.

“Twice, but it’s still early.”

“You can’t keep doing this.  I know you’re scared.  I know you don’t want me to go.  But, I have to.  I signed papers.  I could get arrested if I don’t show up.”

“Jimmy, that’s not the reason I’ve been throwing up.”

Jimmy’s eyes danced.  A smile broadened his face.  “Tell me, Lyddie.  Please, baby.  Tell me why.”

“We’re going to have a baby,” Lydia informed her husband.

Jimmy picked her up off the floor and spun her around.  “That’s great!  That’s incredible!  We’re having a baby!”

“Jimmy, put me down.  I’ve already  thrown up twice all ready.  I don’t want to make it a third time.”

“Sorry, sorry.”  He put her down.  “I have to tell somebody.”  He picked up the phone, but Lydia put her hand over the keypad.

“Don’t, please.  I don’t want anyone to know, yet.”

“Why?  It’s good news.”

Lydia couldn’t look at her husband.  “Because, they’ll just tell us we made a stupid mistake.  We don’t have any money, you won’t let me work, and now your leaving.  I’m sorry.”

Jimmy hooked his finger under her chin and tilted her head up.  “Baby, you don’t worry about money.  We have it, okay?  I’ll take care of whatever you need.  We didn’t make a stupid mistake.  We’re married and babies come along.  That’s the way it’s supposed to be.  All right?  Don’t let anyone tell you any different.  If they do tell you any different, they can answer to me.”  Jimmy raised an eyebrow.  “And I don’t take too kindly to  people saying bad things about my wife.”

“Jimmy, I’m just not ready to tell anyone.”

Jimmy rubbed his forehead and put the phone down.  “Lydia, somebody has to know besides me.  I’m going to be gone.”

“Don’t remind me.  I know.  You’re leaving and no one is going to be around.  No one that cares.  I have two friends in this town.  You and Stokes.  That’s it.  Nobody cares. Okay?  Nobody wants to be friends with the outsider.  The girl that’s too pretty.  The girl that stole their precious QB1 away.  Do you see the way people look at me, Jimmy?  Have you ever watched them stare me down and snarl their lips at me?  I didn’t do anything wrong, Jimmy!  I didn’t do anything and they hate me!”

“That’s not true, Lyddie.  That’s not true at all.  They just don’t know you.”

“They don’t want to know me.  I’m too pretty, too smart, too attached to you.”

“We’re having a  baby together.  You have to be attached to me.”

Lydia looked into her husband’s green eyes.  She wanted to say a million things, but she only had thirty minutes to say them so she blurted out the one thing that seemed to sum up all her feelings.  “Don’t go, Jimmy.  Please.  Stay with me.  I need you.  Don’t go.”  Tears spilled from her eyes.

“Hormones must be working overtime today.”

Lydia glared at Jimmy.  “It’s not hormones.  It’s the truth.  I never wanted you to leave me.  And now, you’re not just leaving me, you’re leaving us.  I just don’t want-“  Lydia stopped before she said anything else.

“What, baby?”  He wiped the tears trailing down her face.  “I don’t have much time left.  Don’t keep my guessing.”

“Nevermind.”

“That’s a cop out, Lyddie.  You know that.  You tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

“I’m scared, okay?  I’m scared that if you go, that this pregnancy isn’t going to happen.  This is why Mama ended up having so many miscarriages.  She stressed out too much.  You think Daddy being MIA and not telling me is the only reason they fight?  It’s not.  He wanted more kids, Jimmy.  What if I’m wired just like my mama?  Will you still come back?”

Jimmy wrapped his wife in his arms and sat down on the bed with her.  “Lyddie, that’s not going to happen, okay?  I love you.  If something happens, then it wasn’t in our plans to have a baby right now.  I can accept that.  But, you need to stop worrying about me.  Okay?  I’ll be fine.”  He kissed the top of her head.

“Boy or girl?” Lydia asked.

“Whatever makes you happy, Lyddie.  That’s all I want.  Whatever makes you happy.”  He pushed the loose hair away from her forehead and tucked it behind her ear.  Lydia smiled. It was the one gesture that she defined him with her.  He could laugh and joke with his friends, be mad at his parents, but when he was with her, he let all defenses down and let Lydia have his heart.

That one gesture was the way to her heart.  She felt safe, protected, loved when Jimmy would touch her face like that. 

What was she going to do when he left?

Jimmy held Lydia’s hand the entire way to the bus station and even while sitting at the depot.  His mom showed up and so did Lydia’s parents.

“Where’s dad?”  Jimmy looked up at his mom waiting for an answer.

“He’s not coming.”

“Why not?”

“He checked into the VA again. Not outpatient this time. Something’s wrong, Jimmy.  Something’s very wrong.”

Jimmy ran his fingers through his hair.  “My gosh, he can’t even think about his own son, can he?  I’m leaving, mom.  I’m leaving and he doesn’t even have the balls to show up and tell me goodbye.”

“Jimmy Alexander Brown, you don’t talk about him like that.  He is your father and you know better.”

“He did a lousy job, Mom.”

“Jimmy, don’t start.”

Lydia squeezed Jimmy’s hand.  He looked at her and she shook her head at him.  “Fine, for Lyddie’s sake, I’ll be quiet.  She doesn’t need anymore stress right now anyway.”  He leaned into Lydia and put a protective hand over her stomach.

Lt. Baker looked at Lydia’s face.  She wasn’t quite smiling, but she wasn’t frowning either.  “Sweetheart, is there something you want to tell us?”

“No, Daddy, I’m fine.”  She took Jimmy’s hand away from her stomach and scratched her nose.

“You’re lying.  You always scratch your nose when you’re lying.”

“He was interrogation, wasn’t he?”  Jimmy asked. 

“Daddy, I don’t want to talk about it here.”

“Then, where?” Michelle asked.  She looked at her watch.  “Jimmy’s bus will be here in ten minutes.  I’m sure he wants to be here when you tell all of us you two are going to have a baby.”  Lydia looked startled.  She remembered her mama had said something at the wedding.  The dress she wore fit perfectly when they bought it, but it barely zipped up all the way the day of the wedding.  Michelle had been quiet, but Lydia knew that her mama picked up on small things.  Lydia tried to joke that she was just eating too much like she usually did when she was nervous.  She knew that her mama didn’t believer her by the look in her eyes.  Now, Lydia knew that her mama knew everything.

Anita jumped up and shook her finger at Lydia.  “I knew it. I knew that’s the reason you got married.  You trapped him, you little hussy.  You got him the only way you knew how.  You tramp.”

Jimmy stood up and put his balled up fists on his hips.  “That’s my wife you’re talking about, Mom,” he said through tight lips.

“That’s my daughter you’re talking about, Mrs. Brown.  She was taught better.  She knows better.” Lt. Baker added.  He looked at Lydia with a look of confusion.  He wasn’t accusing her of getting pregnant before they got married, but his eyes looked concerned.  He’d seen the way Jimmy and Lydia never kept their hands to themselves.  He always made sure the porch light flipped on at ten o’clock.  He didn’t want his daughter to be the girl everyone talked about.  Not in this town, and not in the towns before.  His eyes landed on Lydia and she half smiled.  Her face was filled with anger from the comment her mother-in-law made.  Lt. Baker gave a sigh of relief.  He was right.  What was his daughter going to say?

“I didn’t do anything to trap him.  I wasn’t-we didn’t.  Why do I have to explain myself to you, Mrs. Brown?  Can’t you be happy for us?  Your son and I are having your first grandchild.”

“Say  you’re sorry, mom,” Jimmy muttered.

“Jimmy, why didn’t you just tell the truth?”

Jimmy threw his fist at the post of the bus depot.  “Dang it, mom.  I did.  We did things in order, all right?  We got married, now we’re having a baby.  She’s only been pregnant two months-a honeymoon baby.  I’d like you to apologize to Lyddie before I go, please.”

“What’s there to apologize for?  I didn’t do anything to hurt her.”

Jimmy’s eyes grew wide.  “I can’t believe this!  Yes, you did! Lyddie’s always been a good girl.  She’s never done anything to deserve the reputation and the rumors that fly around about her.  I don’t care if you mean it, just say you’re sorry.  She deserves at least that from you.  It’s the least you can do for me.”

Anita shifted uncomfortably.  She stared at Jimmy and then looked at Lydia.  Lydia kept her head down and wouldn’t look at anyone.  She kept making circles on the pavement with her toes.  She kept her head down because she was crying and didn’t want everyone to see her like this.   She needed to be happy.  She needed to be strong.  Jimmy was leaving.  She couldn’t let him see her like this.

“If she’d look me in the eye and tell me the truth, I’d be happy to tell her I’m sorry.”

Jimmy threw his hands in the air.  “Just forget it.  I don’t have time for this.  She’s not feeling good and she doesn’t need your abuse.”  He looked at the wall on the station clock.  “Shouldn’t Stokes be here by now?  We’ve got five minutes.”  He knelt down in front of Lydia and put his hand on her knees.  “Lyddie, are you okay, baby?”

Lydia shook her head.

“I’m sorry, baby.  I’m sorry she’s being so mean.  You don’t deserve that.  Just pretend she’s not even here.”  He looked up at his mom who had crossed her arms and pursed her lips together.  “Because, I’m going to.”

“Jimmy, don’t do that.  Don’t make her mad before you leave.”  Lydia still wouldn’t look up.

“I didn’t make her mad, baby.  My dad did.  She’s taking it out on you.”  Jimmy tipped up her chin and saw the tears again.  “Oh, Lyddie, please don’t do this to me.  Don’t let me see this face before I leave.  I can’t take that face.  I can’t take those tears again.”  He pushed her hair away from her face.  Not just the loose bangs, but every hair that fell that obscured her pretty face.  “Be happy, baby.  Smile.”  He leaned in closer to her so no one could hear and sang in her ear.

It only took a few seconds for her to smile again.

Jimmy kissed her sweetly and stood up.  Stokes came running from the parking lot.

“I thought you bailed out on me, man,” Jimmy called out.

“Sorry, Brown.  Sob fest from my aunt.  Y’know, the usual: don’t you dare do what your daddy did.  That crap.  She wouldn’t let go of me.  I was wrapped up in a hug for probably 20 minutes.”

Lydia stood up and narrowed her eyes at Stokes.  “You make sure he’s in one piece, Stokes.  You make sure he gets back and you watch his back.  Don’t you dare leave anywhere without him.  Don’t you dare.”  She poked Stokes in the chest with each word.

“Yes, ma’am,” Stokes replied after a mock salute. “A little cranky today, aren’t we Mrs. Baker-Brown.”

“Mood swings.  That happens when you’re having a baby,”  Jimmy replied with a smile on his face.

“No way!”

“Way!”

Stokes picked Lydia up and swung her around in a hug.  “Congratulations.”

He went over and high fived Jimmy.  “What’ve got, some sort of Olympian swimmers?”

“It doesn’t take much, when you’re wife is as pretty as Lyddie is.”

“Oh, cut the romantic stuff.  We gotta go.”  Stokes pointed to the bus pulling up in front of the depot.

“Bye, Lyddie.  I’ll see you soon.”

Lydia grabbed his face and kissed him.  She wouldn’t let go.  She didn’t want to let go.  Finally, Jimmy pulled away with a smile on his face.  “You kiss me like that again, I might have to take you into a closet and finish what you started, girl.”

Lydia blushed.  “Jimmy!”

Jimmy’s eyes danced when he looked at Lydia.  “There it is.  There’s the smile I’ve been waiting to see.  Now, I can go.  I love you, baby.”  He kissed his fingers and put them on her stomach.  “And that baby, too.  Whoever he is.”

“Or she.”

“Or she.”

“You want a boy, don’t you?”

“I want whatever makes you happy, Lyddie.  I told you that.  I have to go, baby.”  He turned and walked toward the steps.

“I love you,” Lydia could barely get the words louder than a whisper.

He pivoted on his heel and turned around. “Always and forever, Lyddie.”  He winked and hopped on the bus.

Lydia stood staring at the bus as it loaded.  It was filled with guys Jimmy’s age.  Guys that had seen the terrible attacks of September 11th and wanted to do something about it.  Her eyes never stopped watering even though she had stopped crying.  Her mom came up beside her and put her arm around her shoulder.

“Sweetheart, don’t let it get to you.  You’ve got somebody else to think about now.”

“I know, Mama.”

“You be careful and you don’t do anything to strain yourself.  You don’t worry about Jimmy.  He’ll be safe.  It’s just training.  Okay?”

Lydia nodded.

Michelle took her hand and pulled Lydia’s face toward her.  “Promise me.  Promise me that you won’t do anything that could cause any problems.  Don’t be like me.  All right?  Don’t let the stress of Jimmy being gone cause anything to go wrong.”

“Mama, you didn’t do it. Daddy left.”

“Sweetheart, it was all me.  I did so many things wrong when your dad was gone.  Don’t be like me, Lydia.  You be careful.  I don’t want anything to happen to my grandbaby.”

Lydia strained her neck and looked around for Lt. Baker.  “Where’s Daddy?”

“He went back to the truck.  I told him I needed to talk to you about girl stuff.”

“Don’t send him away like that.”

“I didn’t want him to hear what I had to say.  I knew it would hurt him.”

“It hurts me too, Mama.  Didn’t you ever think that I wanted a brother or a sister and I never got one?  Did you ever once think how I felt being the only child?  It’s like being the only survivor of a fatal car accident.  How come I survived?  How come I’m the only one that was able to make it through the rotten things you did to your body?  Why couldn’t you just relax! It’s not fair!”

“Lydia, calm down.”  Lydia’s voice had rose with each question.  She wasn’t crying, but Michelle knew her daughter enough to know she wanted to cry.  “I’m sorry, sweetie.  You never talk about it.”

Lydia pointed to herself.  “How come it was me, Mama?”

Michelle rubbed her forehead.  “I don’t,  I don’t know.”

“Sometimes, I’d spend nights locked in my room when you and Daddy were fighting.  And it wasn’t because I survived or that I didn’t want to hear you two screaming at each other.  It was because-“ Lydia swallowed her tears.  She wasn’t going to cry.  She was too mad to cry.  “Because of the way Daddy looked at me because I was a girl.  He never said it, but I could tell.”

“Lydia, that’s not true.  Your daddy loves you.”

Lydia shook her head.  “Not as much as if I were a boy.  I’ve seen him get quiet when he’s at a football game.  All the other dads are bragging about their sons out on the field, but not Daddy.  He doesn’t even tell them I’m his daughter sometimes.  He’s jealous.”

Michelle put her hand on Lydia’s shoulder.  “Sweetheart, that’s not true.”

“And I keep thinking that if I were a boy, then-“ Lydia took a deep breath.

“What, Lydia?”

“Then what happened to me with Brett wouldn’t have happened.  Daddy’s disappointed with me.  Did you see the way he looked at me when you said that I was having a baby?  This never would have happened if I was a boy.  That’s why he walked away.  He couldn’t take it anymore and didn’t want me to see how disappointed he was with me.”

“Lydia, your daddy is not the least bit disappointed with you.  You’re his little girl. He’d walk through fire for you.  Sometimes, I think he’d leave me behind and rescue you first. He’s not disappointed.”

Lydia wasn’t listening to her mama.  She looked over her mom’s shoulder to try to spot where her daddy had walked off.  Then, she continued.  “And I don’t want to disappoint Jimmy, either.  He wants a big family and I want to give it to him, but I don’t-“  She stopped and looked at the ground before she stared into the eyes of her Mama.  The same eyes she saw in the mirror everyday.  It was eerie how they looked so much alike.  “I don’t want to be like you, Mama.”

“Lydia, you’re not me. You won’t make the same mistakes I did.  I won’t let you, baby girl.  You are going to have this baby if it kills me.”

“I don’t want to talk to you.  You’re just making it worse.”  Lydia turned and ran towards the parking lot.

“Lydia, slow down!Lydia!” Michelle ran after Lydia trying to catch up with her. “Danny stop her!” 

Lt. Baker hadn’t quite made it to his truck.  He turned and Lydia ran into him.  She burrowed herself in his body and he wrapped his arms around his daughter.  “What, baby girl?  What’s wrong?”

“Jimmy’s gone, Daddy.  I’m pregnant and alone and I’m scared, Daddy.”

Lt. Baker kissed the top of her head.  “Sweetheart, everything’s going to be okay.”

“How do you know that?” Lydia asked.

“Because you’ve still got your daddy here.  That’s why.”

“Thank you for not going.”

“Anything for my favorite girl.”

“What about mama?”

Michelle had walked up and put her hand on Lydia’s back rubbing it for comfort.

“Yeah, I like her, too.”  He winked at Michelle and she smiled.

Lt. Baker grabbed  Lydia’s shoulders and pulled her away from him so he could see her face.  “You be careful, sweetie.  Jimmy’s coming back.  You call us if you need anything.  Don’t do anything that might hurt you or the baby.”  He raised his eyebrow in true dad form.  “Understand?”

Lydia sniffed and nodded.

“Twelve weeks, baby girl.  You just have to tough it out for 12 weeks.  Write to him, send him pictures. Tell him everything that’s going on.”  He peeked over Lydia’s head and kept his eyes on his wife.  “It’ll hurt worse if you don’t tell him what’s going on.”

“Daddy, don’t start a fight here, please.  That’s the last thing I need.”

“I’m sorry, sweetheart, I just need you to know, okay?  And I need to tell your mama that I’m sorry.”  He let go of Lydia and walked over to Michelle and grabbed her hands.  “Honey, I just saw from the outside what it looked like when I left.   I know it was just for training, but soon it’s going to be deployment.”

“Don’t say that,” Lydia interjected.

Lt. Baker didn’t acknowledge Lydia.  “I’m sorry, Shelly.  I should have never put you through that.”

“It’s okay,” Michelle whispered. She wouldn’t look Lt. Baker in the eyes.

He shook his head.  “No, it’s not okay.  I blamed you for a lot of things and I was too blind to see what was really going on.  The miscarriages, the sadness.  It wasn’t your fault, honey.  I don’t know what else to say but sorry.”

“You were taking care of me and Lydia.  It’s not your fault.”

“Okay, you two, you’ve both established that it’s each others fault.  Just kiss and make up all ready.  Sheesh!”

Michelle leaned in and kissed her husband.  He framed her face with his hands and wouldn’t let her pull away. “We might have to go into that closet Jimmy was talking about,” Lt. Baker quipped.

“Oh my word!” Lydia exclaimed.  “Even when he’s not here, he still makes me blush.”

“That’s good, sweetheart.  Do you need a ride home?”

“No, I’ve got Jimmy’s truck.”

“All right then.  Let’s go, Shelly.”Lt. Baker hooked his arm around Michelle’s waist and looked at Lydia with a grin on her face.

“What?” Lydia asked.  “Daddy, you’re making funny faces at me and I don’t like it.”

“I’m just trying to figure out how to get some words to come out of my mouth.  I’ve been a Marine for so long that all I can think of to say to you is Semper Fi or Hoo-Rah and Jimmy’s Army.”

“You know what to say, Daddy.  You just can’t do it, can you?”

“Nope.”

“Let me help you.”   Lydia went over to her dad and smooshed his lips together to form the words as she said them.. “Hoo-ah. Army strong”

“Okay, sweetheart, thanks.  That’s good.”  He shook his head and rubbed his mouth.  “I think I’m going to go have to wash my mouth out with soap.”

“Smart alec.”  Lydia grinned wide.  She knew her dad hated to see her hurt or sad.  He was just trying to ease her pain.  She didn’t mind at all.  She’d have to turn to her daddy for a few months if she needed something and that didn’t seem to be hard at all.  It was the waiting on Jimmy to  come back that bothered her.

Lydia looked at her watch.  Only 84 more days to go.